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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Convicted KIller Donates Kidney ( ? and ... !! )

Lots of you have written about the endless favors that your abusers do to prove what "good guys" they are. This article reminded me of a classic abuser -- he killed for control, just like he 'gave' for control. He does not reach out to make a difference, he reaches out to make demands. If you've lived this phenomenon, you are not crazy!

Man Who Killed His Patients Can Donate Kidney, but He Must Get His Sentence First
Link to NY Times Article
By RONALD SMOTHERSPublished: December 28, 2005A former nurse who pleaded guilty to killing 29 patients at hospitals in New Jersey and Pennsylvania has received permission to donate a kidney to an acquaintance in New York, as long as he first appears at his own sentencing.
The ex-nurse, Charles Cullen, 45, has been in prison for two years but will not be formally sentenced until next month.
He was found by authorities to be a match for the person in need of a kidney and has been judged to be sincere in his attempt to help the potential recipient. But he is still working out details with officials in the two states to allow the donation.
Mr. Cullen angered relatives of his victims earlier this month when he said he wanted to exercise his right to miss the sentencing - and not face the families of his victims - but would relent if the authorities permitted the transplant. He also said he wanted to be taken to New York for the procedure. Some of the families and authorities said they saw it as blackmail.
Attorney General Peter C. Harvey, after a series of meetings, has agreed to allow the transportation and transplant, but only after Mr. Cullen appears at his sentencing.
The sentencing is set for Jan. 5 in New Jersey Superior Court in Somerset County. Mr. Cullen is expected to receive a life sentence instead of the death penalty for agreeing to plead guilty and identify all of his victims.
"He will not have surgery before the sentencing," Mr. Harvey said after interviewing Mr. Cullen and meeting with prosecutors and the public defender in the case. "We are victim-focused and have factored in the feelings of the families of the murder victims who are angry and still grieving. They want the court and Cullen to know how much they hurt."
Before a final agreement, prosecutors have to sort out whether two more New Jersey counties will press charges against Mr. Cullen, authorities said. In addition, his lawyer has concerns about how the timing of his sentencing in Pennsylvania might affect the donation process.
Mr. Cullen pleaded guilty last year to intentionally injecting lethal doses of drugs into patients at a number of hospitals and a nursing home in the two states during a 16-year career. Early in the plea-bargaining process, he estimated that the number of victims could reach 40; so far, 29 have been accounted for.
The organ transplant offer arose in the last several weeks as he headed toward sentencing.
Dr. Andrew Klein, director of the transplant center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and chairman of the living donor committee of the United Network for Organ Sharing, which oversees the nation's transplants, said that such cases, involving convicted felons who want to donate organs, were "relatively uncommon." He and others acknowledged that there had been a number of cases in which inmates facing execution sought to donate organs; in some of those cases, the requests were seen by some as ploys to delay executions.
For his part, Dr. Klein said, "Because a person is sentenced to life in prison, I don't believe that that, in and of itself, should deny them the right to donate an organ."
But Dr. Mark Fox, chairman of United Network's ethics committee, questions whether any prison inmate whose life is "constrained in ways that yours and mine are not" can provide "free and informed consent."
According to Dr. Klein, there can never be complete assurance that any offer to donate an organ has not been coerced by family, friends or the hope of some forgiveness by society.
"Is it consent or other things driving this?" he asked. "The best you can do is try to determine whether it is sincere and there are no coercive events."
In Mr. Cullen's case, relatives of the victims questioned his motivation, accusing him of a play for attention and a ploy to avoid appearing at the sentencing. But Mr. Harvey said he concluded, after interviewing Mr. Cullen, that the offer was not a "publicity stunt." He said that he was convinced that Mr. Cullen's crimes stemmed from his view that he was "hastening the inevitable" for patients who he believed were facing months or even years of suffering and deteriorating health.
"He did not view himself as acting out of malice," said Mr. Harvey, "and it is consistent for someone who thinks that way to offer up his organs to end the suffering of another."
The man who would receive the donated kidney has not been identified by Mr. Cullen or state officials. But published reports have identified him as a relative of a former girlfriend of Mr. Cullen's, whose name is also unknown. Mr. Harvey said that New Jersey officials have confirmed that the scheduled recipient of the kidney is likely to die without the transplant and that Mr. Cullen is a compatible donor. These are two of the conditions that New Jersey courts require before allowing such donations by inmates of state prisons.
Johnnie Mask, the deputy public defender who has been representing Mr. Cullen, said that two technical issues remained before his client could accept the arrangement being offered by Mr. Harvey. He noted that prosecutors in Essex and Morris Counties in New Jersey were still trying to decide whether to waive potential prosecutions of Mr. Cullen in their jurisdictions and allow the scheduled Jan. 5 sentencing to satisfy those cases.
Mr. Mask said that he also wanted some assurances that Pennsylvania prosecutors, who are also slated to bring Mr. Cullen to their state for sentencing in murders he admitted to there, would not try to block the donation and transplant.
Mr. Harvey said he expected that the Essex County prosecutor would soon sign on to a single sentencing in Somerset County, and he has given Morris County prosecutors until Friday to determine whether they have a case which they could prosecute.
In Morris County, a family exhumed the body of a loved one, believing that the patient had been under Mr. Cullen's care at a hospital there, but initial toxicology reports were inconclusive. Mr. Cullen has denied any role in that patient's death, according to his lawyer, and prosecutors are awaiting the results of a second test by a private toxicologist before deciding how to proceed.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Links to books I recommend.

Just a quick note to mention I've (finally) posted links to the books I highly recommend. I'm quite busy with game programming and the impending Big Launch. The top two books (posted down to the right) were instrumental in creating this website and waking me up. The last book is just plain comforting!
Be good to yourselves,

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Unfolding, growing, playing, then exhaling (some).

Thank you all for your personal stories and support over the last year. I'm happy to announce the final stages of a huge project are about to unfold, and I'd like to invite you to become a part of it.

FIRST, this blog will soon be migrated over to the new online community at The Wordslinger. Please join the community and start your own (free) blog - simply enter your email address to join, or if you prefer, post and read anonymously. The Wordslinger community provides a sanctuary for men and women to support, empathize with, rally around, validate and most importantly: BELIEVE those affected by abuse. In short, it's your tribe. There are blogs to track each other’s progress, forums to discuss issues, collaborative books to contribute to, stories, polls ... and ...

SECOND, The Wordslinger is also the title of the first ever video game designed to ease the stress of being involved with an abuser. Playing the game will convert the negative energy of your abuser into positive power. Free, educational and available online only, The Wordslinger Game will be launched very soon after the New Year. It'd be wonderful to have the online community teaming with activity when this happens. Please go check it out!

THIRD, I've finished my first novel and it's currently being edited at my publisher ... which, by the way, is a truly agonizing process. It will be in print on the first day of spring.

FORTH, thank you for defending me against the mean, ignorant network of abusers that post comments about me here. Your support truly helps. As I work with other women escaping abusive relationships, I now see very clearly that it's ONLY the intelligence and compassion of strangers that keep them sane and safe.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Mutually abusive? What do you think?

Just because I know him so well, I'm pretty positive this "Anonymous" post below is actually Sean, my abuser. It's his writing style, and in the past he's insisted "we abused each other". As a matter of fact, "mutual abuse" was the exact topic of the last correspondence I got from him (Oct 2004). I'd like to hear the bloggers opinion of this post, assuming it is in fact Sean:

Anonymous said...
Abusing someone because they supposedly abused you is
really not the way to seek resolution. It's like pouring salt on your wounds.
Move on. Get therapy. Geez, get a job for pete's sake.
10:05 PM

Now, for the record, I have two jobs and a great therapist, so that topic is a waste of energy. I'd especially like to hear what you think about the word "supposedly".

Friday, February 04, 2005

Ode to the Anonymous Family

Funny how many of Sean's network of allies are named Anonymous , eh? (their comments are on the previous blog.) I'm not surprised they all continue his abusiveness by calling me "stupid" and "needing serious help", in spite of the audiotape where Sean is clearly abusing me AND admitting to past abuse. They are doing exactly what he wants them to do - defend his bad behavior no matter what evidence is presented. Sadly, these friends and family members are inadvertently contributing to Seans abuse habit. Studies firmly show that one of the three ingredients needed for abusive men to become non-abusive is that his "circle of allies" holds him accountable. Without this, he will continue to justify his behavior, blame his victims and ultimately never form a healthy relationship. Period.

Sean has built his network with a classic abuser recipe; chronic lies about me, Clintonesque charisma and endless stockpiling of IOUs. He's done a fine job of surrounding himself with a fortress of people who have no idea who he really is. I can only guess his circle has endured endless hours of heartfelt "Poor me, Eileen is attacking me, I never abused her" rants since we split. He told me many stories about his past relationships when we first met, and I truly believed he had been done very wrong by women. I used to be the strongest ally he had. These abusive networks are quite powerful, for they must be sturdy enough to deflect the truth. Watch the blog for a facinating story of Freud's experience and ultimate crumble under the pressure of an abusive network.

Leave comments directed at the wisdom of the Anonymous family by clicking "Post a comment". If you're ashamed of what you have to say, show some creativity and make up a name.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Inagural Blog (while under construction)

Still under construction, but we'd all love to hear what you think of the site so far.... but let me first explain to you what I don't want to hear: Don't call Sean names or label him a jerk. He's just not. How can I feel that way after all you've just read? Because I still, believe it or not, think Sean strives to be a better man every day. He doesn't always succeed, but who among us always wins our inner struggles? I built this site in the hopes that he won't hurt another woman like he hurt me, not to hurt him back.

In addition to this, I also don't think "I'm lucky to be out" of our relationship. I'm dealing with the loss of the only relationship, the only man, I ever wanted to for rest of my life. It's extremely painful, and while I'm grateful that my health has rebounded fully and I'm not the target of abuse anymore, I never wanted anything as much as I wanted a future with Sean without abuse. Accepting that it's an impossible dream is still something I struggle with daily. If you've just come out of an abusive relationship, I'm sure you understand.
Note: The following comments are all from the friends and family of Sean. When the site is launched to the public, this comment will change to reflect that.
The website is now launched to the public, but not before somebody posted over 1900 repetitive negative comments here. Obviously somebody has a guilty conscience and is trying to glue up this blog. Does it make you feel powerful? Do you ever wonder why you need so badly to feel powerful?
Please visit the new mirror of this blog over on
The WordSlinger